Greetings again, oh ye masses of lucky employers who have a chance to hire me!
I just wanted to let you know that I've been turning down some other offers (such as being Vice President under Barack Obama and (harrumph) Hillary Clinton's damn secretary) just so I'd still be available to go to work for you: saving the environment, tending to people's nutrition in a food-coop, or putting makeup on the clients who make temporary visits to a mortician's office. Hey, don't thank me, it's just my civic duty to spend my time in the most productive possible career.
Hey, here's a cool idea - you can start sending me a nice big weekly paycheck now, even before I'm hired, so we'll have all of that pesky paperwork out of the way and I can "hit the ground running" on my very first day of work! Great idea, no?! You can even throw in a Christmas bonus for the first couple years, so we can get all that bureaucratic crap out of the way now too! Am I a freakin' genius, or what?!
Okay, all you corporate clowns, what are you waiting for? Call me already!!
Employably Yours,
Aly of Work
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